sin_in_lust

sin_in_lust

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(no subject)	[Jul. 31st, 2008\|12:38 am]
I've moved back to blogspot here : HERE
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(no subject)

[Apr. 8th, 2008|10:07 pm]

im drowned with assignments. im pretty much haggard due to all the readings which is a total bore. im grappling my way through next week.

OHHHH YYYEEEAAAAHHHH!!!!

2 weeks break..

KISS ME!

lol..

and mum's here which means home cooking and no more instant noodles..

but also means constant nagging and ordering. geez.

but that 2 weeks will pass and she'll be gone?! i don't know.. hahaha

im not gonna think about the problems in my life yet.

no point. cos no answers yet.

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Certain Truths Better Left Unsaid	[Apr. 1st, 2008\|10:12 pm]
I just watched one of those reality tv shows called " A Moment of Truth" . I'm not sure if it's broadcast back home. But i sure know for one that it taught me or the viewers,hopefully, a rather important lesson. Today's participant was a married lady whom was asked a range of questions, varying from silly questions to really , really , really personal questions. And her family, including her husband , was there to be there watching her in the hot spot. And boy, was i traumatised watching. I mean, i reckon, this is the first episode out of the many that really affect me. I mean, gawd, i've never cried watching a reality tv show. Also, i'm pretty sure that many of you thinks that it is bullshit. But having to be put through in the hot seat where the viewers across U.S. and prolly more , as well as your family members, that's a lot of risk your putting yourself into. Well, apparently the participant was a young blonde girl. Here are several superbly intimate questions that was asked to her. The game works like this, " before the question was asked, you have a choice to leave or stay. If you stay, you can't leave after hearing the question and if you lied you lost all the money that you have gained throughout the game" One of the questions that was asked was this, " Do you love one of your former boyfriends on your first wedding day?" I'm sure the question was phrased differently, but this was the gist of the question. Mind you, I don't have a photographic memory. Her Answer: Yes. Husband's Expression: A sad expression. Ouch! If i'm the husband, i will be thinking " Here I am marrying you, committing my whole life being by your side, and your soul wasn't with me on that special day". That must have hurt. But hey, probably it's not a big deal now. It was two years ago anyways. Another question was asked. This time, a special guest that was invited to the show asked her the question. And the special guest was none other than her ex-boyfriend ( and i'm assuming that it's the one that she was still in love with during her wedding day), Q1 asked by ex-boyfriend : If I would ask you to get back with me, would you leave your current husband? Her: She was on the verge of tears. Literally. Husband: Waiting anxiously for the answer not wanting to save her. Sister: SAVED HER BY PRESSING THE BUTTON! ( sidetrack: in the game , one of her family members could press the button once if they do not want her to answer the question or do not think they want to hear the answer. she will then asked another question which the family members do not have a control of). And hell, she looked relieved. Like WTF! I would have guessed the answer. Alternative question asked by the ex-boyfriend: Do you think I'm the man that you should be married to? Her: Yes ( this time without a doubt or a pause!) Husband: His expression was so pained yet trying to remain calm after hearing this. This is when my sympathy goes to him. Hell girl, he's your ex-boyfriend for a reason. And your husband in your husband for a reason. To think you married someone whom you don't really want to, what the fuck are you thinking playing with the person's feelings and life? Marriage ain't a game gal. Definitely not a game. And the bombshell of a question. Even after she already earned 100k this time, she still wanted to proceed with the question. I mean hell, your really greedy. Although she claims , she just wants to get some things out of her chest. And this is the question that I started sobbing like a crybaby. " Have you ever had any sexual relations with other person even after you are married"? ( It's not the question that i started to cry but her answer, Yep! you guys guess right) Her: Yes. Husband: Covering his face. Speechless. Not knowing what to say. Keep saying it's over. I mean come on! Are those 'easy' money really worth it? Putting your relationships and the unity of your family at risk. Fuck! Even if I have such personal intimate secrets, I wouldn't tell a soul to my boyfriend or my husband. Not that I wanted to cheat on them, but hell, i rather treasure the relationship that I have and just not repeat the mistakes. So, getting the truth out of your chest seems comfortable? What about the pained expression or the position you put your closed ones in? Isn't that selfish in a way? Oh well, that reality show definitely makes me think. I mean, I would really want to know as well the answer to this questions especially from my love one whom I've looked upon and given my heart to ya know?! It's pretty controversial when it comes to being honesty. Is there really a line that needs to be drawn when we brings up the issue of honesty? I really don't know. But it's pretty heartbreaking to see relationships destroyed just because of mistakes made in the past. Oh, and the sadder note is: she lost the money to the game as well. Ouch! Karma. Hurts. Burnt. Apparently , she lied in the lie detector test on one of the questions posed to her. If i'm not wrong, the question was " Do you think your a good person". And her husband keeps saying no. But she said "yes" . lolol. and yup. her husband was right.that must have hurt eh? I hope it's a lesson learnt . Night :)
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(no subject)	[Mar. 22nd, 2008\|02:51 pm]
Someone says i have an attitude problem and being too much of a bitch. grumbles to self 3 words: I DON'T CARE! i'll only have an attitude problem and a bitch about stuffs just because you drive me to it. so, whose fault is it again?! uh uh. that's right. URS!
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(no subject)	[Mar. 20th, 2008\|09:50 pm]
sometimes i wonder if i could stick it out. the path that i chose in my life. especially being in a relationship with him. i mean, come on, long distance relationship is really hard to maintain. and trying to slot in the time for your partner can be really frustrating especially when you are busy. and some people asked me whether i could really do it. i mean, it's going to be 6 years overseas. and if i chose him, then that'll be 6 years of long-distance relationship... like whooaaa!! but we have went through a lot. like way a lot. More than you guys can ever imagine. And every single fall in the relationship allows us to stand up and be strong together. Albeit, it's more for him than me. Because he's like the pillar in the relationship and i lean on the pillar. =) But it is comfortable to lean on him literally and metaphorically. And there's the issue of cheating on each other, needing someone beside u physically, someone to hug, someone to hold which possibly you can't do so when you both are like zillions km away from one another? I mean i'm trying my best and so is he. And i have decided to look at it on a yearly basis. Lagipun, kita yang merancang, Tuhan yang menentukan? Betul tak? Plus, after all those stuffs that i went through for him and him for me, it will be rather upsetting to know that we didn't meant to be together. I mean, hey, the efforts that we made can tantamount to like the highest mountains in the world (I'm exaggerating but see my point?) Plus, why would he cheat on a perfect girlfriend coughs? Like seriously, you can't get any better than me? hahaha. I'm just saying this to makes me feel better. And we could get naughty, zesty, fiesty, and have our own lil siesta party like no one's business. That's why when people touch on the topic of long-distance relationship, there's just a chill that runs down my spine just because i'm in one and I know how hard it is to maintain. I know time is not a measure of how successful a relationship is, and sometimes i have the desire to let other sharks in the sea to bite me... Rawr!!!!! but, i'll stick with him. For now. As long as he makes me happy =) Plus, if he cheats on me, hey, big deal?! I could always get another one with a flick of a finger. And i do have faith in him. And that tiny crust of trust. So, that ain't so bad. So, people, don't keep testing the water about my relationship with him. We may not exactly be the happiest couple in the world nor do our relationships are problem-free but we are smoothing it out. Intermission Uni life sucks. lolol. I know i know. I shouldn't be like complaining. But hey, I hate readings. and I have to readdd like so many cases. It bores the craphole out of me. I'm communicating better with them people. and i can see that i'm improving a tiny bit. An improvement is still an improvement. Ooo, I hate people who keep sticking to their own clique. I don't know. I'm not envious not jealous. I mean the malaysians like to stick with the malaysians and less meddling around. Not that I care cos' i have made quite a number of fabulous friends. But i'm officially thought of as an Indonesian. =) Eh, indonesian gals some of them are pretty okay. I like to think so anyways. Hahahaha. The next time a person ask me " are u from indonesia?" i'm just gonna smile and not say a thing. But i've been asked if i'm from the phillipines, a mix of chinese blood ( like wtf?! my eyes are BIG!) and some of those crap. And all i can do is smile. Trust me people. Smile is the only thing that could get u out of a rut. like seriously. hahaha
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(no subject)	[Mar. 6th, 2008\|08:04 pm]
have to take a blood test tomorrow. gah!!! the sound of it. doesn't it freaks one out? well, it certainly does to me. i'm completely lost in my subjects and topics. can't blame them. the school just started and i've missed two lectures. and i'm gonna miss the whole of thursday next week deep breathes. there there! DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME PLAYING TRUANT. the truth is, i'm a sucker for waking up early in the morning. you see, the school is like an hour journey from here. and the bus waiting time let's just say it'll take about half an hour. so technically, i got to wake up 3 hours beforehand. Which reminds me, 6 AM tomorrow. how can i sacrifice my sleep?! Can't wait til mum gets here and settle a new house for me, glees I know i'm okay. i hope summer days are over. and i hope i have the strength to tell someone to "shut the fuck up and fuck off from my life" cos i really want to say it that bad. Maybe i will. the wrath of a woman. hahahahaha.
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(no subject)	[Feb. 29th, 2008\|08:40 pm]
school's starting next week. hell. i came here early only to skipped orientation. lolol. went to school today. did all my enrolment process. got my timetable. alright. it doesn't look that bad but hell it's annoying. first look, " hey , cool, i've got monday off which means a longer weekend". and then, i started to slowly scan the timetable. i have law lecture just before computer science. hell, it sounds fine ain't it? but heck it's not. it took me like a 15-20 minute walk walking up those hills before i could reach the information and science technology building. and the class starts 10 mins after the lecture. HOW VERY CONVENIENT................NOT! gah!!! that guy who helped me do my timetable is really out to kill me. maybe he was dead pissed seeing that he's from Singapore and studied in Catholic Junior College before (=.=)" and obviously me and my big mouth talked about the sluttiness of the school. hahahahhahaha!!! dang, he was like trying to prove me wrong. heck like i care. and i was complaining about school's gonna be hell. And it hasn't even started. lololololol. ooo well. went to the clinic. set up an appointment . and yeah yadayadayada. it's funny how one couldn't eat much proper food but when it comes to ICE CREAM one could gobble it up in a split second. ^_^ oh well. ciaoz
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(no subject)	[Feb. 12th, 2008\|02:49 pm]
been a while since i blog haven't it. waduh~ for some reason, i'm lost in the blogging world and transcend to the real world. as if. i'm still in my fantasy. meet up with the stupid biatches. wow~ it's been ages hasn't it. yet they never change. well i lied. not much anyways. deebs still with her big butt and alinah still with her hmm.... no idea... hahahahhaa... it's kinda interesting. we had our normal bitching and bits of gossips including the juiciest bits. deebs.. .ish ish.. and we had neoprints. two sets of them. when in actual fact me and alinah didn't want to take neoprints. the world has gone upside down. wakakkaka. here are few snippets of the neoprints. the last one was classic isn't it. alinah's crazy face. hahha then went camping with dear and his friends. it's okay i guess. no complaints. not much anyways. he's mine for keeps. no matter if we keep arguing or not. or if anything happen. i kinda regret what i said during the camping trip . and i know it hurts him. me and my stupid mouth. grr.. but i love you. no doubt. no qualms. really.
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(no subject)	[Jan. 17th, 2008\|06:46 pm]
to a friend: i'm glad ur there to always look out for me. and i'm filled with gratitudes over ur concern. i'm also aware that ur advice are mere advice which merely gives me a choice whether i want to heed them or otherwise. but all that i'm unhappy about is the fact that i've told u not to butt in in my relationship. i know that i didin't say it directly. and it's far from indirect as well. but dude, i've told u umpteenth times that i will only listen to myself and u still didn't get it. u never give up do u? it's not fair that ur taking the moment to say that my relationship will definitely not turn out as good as i like well, just because, me n the boifey have been fighting alot. but then again, all u hear are the negatives in the relationship. sure one tends to pour out the negatives especially in fits of anger and when one is wounded. but it's not fair that u didn't know the other half of the story. the fact that he's wounded as well. the fact that i could be very unkindly towards me. sure u haven't seen my selfish and self-centered side to me. but he has been with me for 3 years apart from us knowing each other for close to a decade, and so he knows my true colours more than u do. the fact is, despite all the negativities that i seems to give out to you, in fact, at times i'm very comfortable with the position i'm in. sure, i'm not overly happy nor ecstatic, but the fact that when he hug me and it feels so perfect in his arms makes me feel at bliss. No one can also understand the way i feel when he say those 3 words. cos' he's one guy that rarely says it. there's so many stuffs that makes me happy when i'm with him. yet i'm channeling all this negativities. so it's absolutely my fault. for not thinking of the positives. for always being negative. for always hoping for the worse and expecting the worse. so i plead to you, stop butting in my relationship issues. i may be silly and may be stupid, but stupidity sometimes may be good. yet i do treasure our friendship. so don't do anything to harm it. =) yours truly.
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(no subject)	[Jan. 15th, 2008\|11:29 pm]
just a damn hair cut. just a damn hair cut. just a damn hair cut. just as how much i wanted to show you my new hairstyle , eventhough in the facade of asking ur comments, and wanting to know ur opinion about it. i guess its the same for me. i wanted to see your goddamn new hair cut. and i'm makin a big issue out of it. i guess i'm childish after all. i wanna grow up. i don't wanna be pampered by him. i don't wanna be "manja-ed" by him. nor do i want those sweet-for-nothings talk from him. after all, its just a damn conveyance of feelings which may not mean nothing at all. and i'm taking everything seriously. i guess, i should take the chill pill after all.. sometimes.... i do reckon that, going back to Australia will make my life peaceful albeit happiness is a question. yet, if i don't sense no happines and no sadness, it should be better than mixed feelings, wouldn't it? and i don't understand adults. never wanna admit their wrongdoings. people should really put their ego asides. what centuries do we live in? seeking revenge, inability to talk things out, venting anger at others for another wrongdoings are just plain absurd.. coughs sounds like me. that's y. i said i wanna grow up. cos' im just a plain baka. a plain childish bitch who seeks too much and may end up losing everything in the end just for her idiocy.
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(no subject)	[Jan. 14th, 2008\|10:34 pm]
i hate myself. for fantasizing too much. for not being able to get angry for long. for waiting for his reply when there's none. see, i'mm too forgiving. it's easy for me to just chuck the problems aside and just act normal cos it's just me. someone who couldn't bother squeezing her brains out in solving problems. who rather chuck it aside and try make things better in her own ways. someone who end up being thought as not putting in effort and being selfish. self-centered. always about her.her.her. and obviously that someone is me. if only i could close that part of my heart. having the ability to be angry. that ability to really keep stuffs and make it worse inside her so she doesn't have to get hurt instead. someone who could be like that and less forgiving should be better than.... someone who argues and say sorry the next instant. who says "i love you" right after those stupid shit words they spit out. someone who has no bad feelings and too forgiving. in other words... too nice. i also realise i'm being a bit too ... "manja-ish" than usual at times. it's scaring me. it really is. dammit. i.hate,myself.period.
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(no subject)

[Jan. 13th, 2008|05:43 pm]

Happy Birthday , little one! May you be blessed with a lot of happiness.

i didn't manage to celebrate the little one's birthday at the zoo. making me guilty and feel with regret full of stupidity. for prioritizing over him who i love. him whom i thought will understand what's important. him who never thinks what he says. him who says im selfish and yet he's one too. him who promise. whom i don't want to meet. whom hurt me with his stupid words.

he sure is callous. =(

whatever.

i'll promise i bring u little one out next weekend. i'll devote those days to u. i promise. this time. for real.

=)

idontcareifihurtucosthistimeuhurtme.uhurtmemorethanthoseothertimesthatyoudowithoutrealising.

i guess for some reason i'm not the 'girlfriend' material.
i'm rough, i don't pamper people, overly-sensitive,demanding. yadayadayadayada.

crap. i hate this feeling.

iwannabealone.

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(no subject)	[Jan. 8th, 2008\|08:03 pm]
This is what I have to say: DAMN I HATE YOU FUCKING MATS! FUCKING IMBECILE! I swear you pea-brains have no idea what it is to have to work from 8.30 am to 5.30 pm and to endure your fucking childish taunts. Stupid shit that fucking lived off by your parents pocket money! Those ass-tards that think you look so fucking cool with ur tapered pants and ur sticky-gooey hair filled with two fucking tubs of gel. People who works get tired. They get bloody fatigue. See, I was so pissed today cos' after work i'm kinda sad that he didn't want to meet. I'm absorbed in my selfish thoughts. But noooo..... this mats doesn't let me fucking mind my own business. Spitting out similar pick-up lines. "Eh, cam kenal ah muka dia.", "sapa eh nama dia? nora, yana... bla bla bla" fuckin hell.. don't bloody presume my name and call me arrogant when your acting like an ass-tard supposedly to be in the ignore list. if u wanna know my name just ask me straight out! not labelling me with your minah friends whose name is as such ( no sarcasm intended). Seeing your faces annoys the shit out of me. Seeing your faces makes me more pissed. Seeing your faces makes my already miserable day bloody painful. And hearing your voices makes me wanna vomit blood. Urgh.. Too many annoying brats in this world. Bloody annoyance I tell you. I hate mats-infested places. Gawd!
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(no subject)	[Jan. 7th, 2008\|11:40 pm]
i hate it when i can't sleep. i hate it when i want to hear his voice. i hate it when he didn't message me back. but most of all i hate it when i'm getting so petty like how i'm getting now. my thoughts are so infested with him. maybe he actually went to a witch doctor so this time round i couldn't let him go. who knows. whatever. i've learned to stop being petty. i've learned to stop hoping and waiting. so what the fuck are u waiting for girl? get to sleep. who cares if u actually hear his voice or not. get over it. grow up. no more of those sweet puppy love. it's long over. dammit. I THINK I'M HAVING PMS. oh shit. dennis promise me a movie date on wednesday. for some reason i can't wait. something refreshing. much love people. don't hang on to hope which especially seems so thin and a distant away good night. am gonna force myself to sleep. p/s: danggit, i sound so pathetic. i realise. i hate myself :(
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(no subject)	[Dec. 26th, 2007\|02:55 pm]
ain't it been a while since i last update this journal of mine. sheesh. everything's been moving too fast like a freaking bullet train lemme tell you. hey hey hey! and now christmas is gone. and countdown to 2008 is coming near. i've went through so much in 2007, meet new people, learn more about myself, develop another personality of mine ( which dependingly can be good or bad to other people) and yeah. I've made promises and broke them, and making them again. gawd. world's full of broken promises aren't they. celebrated my xmas eve in singapore with him. yeah. surprise surprise, i'm back with him. not sure how it goes this time but let's just give it a rest. not gonna divulge more into it. maybe i guess, i wouldn't wanna think too much and get myself hurt again. or there's some wounds yet to be heal. i did excel in my foundation program. so next stop. bach of legal studies/ bachelor of commerce (finance). i know i know. me?! taking double degree. wickedly dull. but a girl's gotta do what a girl gotta do. too many ambitious dreams. i gotta go somewhere in life. gotta retire early. spent time with my kids. yadayadayada. lol. nothing much to crap about. bleahx
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(no subject)	[Nov. 25th, 2007\|11:02 pm]
I know i'm a lil bit underprepared for maths. i have that feeling again. the feeling that i couldn't do the paper well. i guess it's just ominous. what if i couldn't get in the course that mum wants me to get into? what if i couldn't get into legal studies? what's the big deal about getting into legal studies anyways? i'm really scared i couldn't get into that course. then what?! could i just choose another course? is it possible? or should i just go the longer route just to please her? i'm at my wits' end. sometimes i don't know what i'm doing. all this studying. i know i have to produce a degree at least. just because i've been wasting her money. but to get into legal studies? at the rate i'm going.. is it even possible? IS IT?! haiz~ and i'm sick. brain's not working. i can't study. shits. i'm seriously at my wits' end.
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(no subject)	[Nov. 20th, 2007\|12:26 am]
remember about me mentioning that i have a hunch the paper was going to be difficult? it's just a feeling that i have and i attribute it to my exam anxiety. I was sooo wrong.... THE PAPER WAS DIFFICULT! but not because i'm unable to do it. but it's just that the paper is LITERALLY difficult. bloody teachers who said that the paper was going to be a tad easier than the trial exam. i could do the paper in trials with my eyes closed and still get 90 but even if i studied a million times for the final, i doubt i could get 80 maximum.. ahhh~~ what should i do? what should i do? if i couldn't get the marks then what? mom is already preparing the flight back on the 3rd just because it's apparently cheaper. but i told her i want to stay longer. i just want to enjoy my time back home a little bit more. but no! save money so off you go back to australia. bloody hell. who cares. i'll enjoy as much time as i want back home . even if it means not coming home. hey i've got only a month to do whatever i want in singapore. so beat that. see if i give a fuck if she gets all mental if i never go home. of course, i'll spend time more with my family. but i don't think that 1 month is enough to pacify my yearning for the food and the 'pleasurable' activities i have back home. Uggghh~~ he's still angry with me ^^ .. oh well, time will make him be less angry with me. i guess. i'm not good at comforting anyways. even if i comfort, it never ever works. 3 more papers to go. my energy has pratically been sucked out of my brain and body. but i've got to persevere. =( all of a sudden, i feel lonely. in this big house. well dammit. of course. i'm alone. :( i guess i should just entice myself to sleep. nights =)
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(no subject)	[Nov. 19th, 2007\|01:32 am]
i'm scared of my psycho. i know i'm used to be strong in that subject but for some reason, i just have a lil hunch that the paper is gonna be tough for me. i guess maybe it's just that i'm ill-prepared for the subject. you know how it is when you feel like you don't prepare enough for the paper and you start experiencing exam anxiety. that's me. haiz~ anyways, thanks for entertaining me and my qualms. you know who you are la~ i felt weird. i just feel a need to 'disturb' him and make him talk to me and entertain me. it somehow calms me down and makes me feel better. although today, he suddenly did strike a chord. like he said something, and it just seems to hurt and i remember those words. argh fucking hell. whatever la. i'm sorry. i don't mean to say what i say. it was just say .. a lil short-fused on my part. my hardwires are getting rusty. i really do mean it when i want to start afresh in life. i'm not gonna care what shitty childhood i have or what bloody stupid past relationships i have. i want to start a new life with new memories to keep . i admit, i couldn't remember anything good about my past. not much. not at all. its saddening. all i remember was the shit stuffs. and because of that, i live for the present. and if u tell me ur secrets i'll forget it. lol so seriously, it may be good for you guys to talk to me ur secrets but at the same time, there's no point in telling me. cause i wil lforget. probably just because it's your secret and it doesn't hold dear in my heart. he says those stuffs that he says. somehow i believe him. but at the same time i wish he didn't say that. cos i've changed. to the better and the worse. both extremes. =) well, i still offer my hand in friendship. those dirty hands. lol. i'm scared i couldn't make it in uni. i wanted so bad to do well. not cause i want to go to uni. but just to prove to myself that i'm of worth. i can achieve something worthwhile. its just to satisfy my ego. its hungry for pride. and dignity. just because im stripped off both in the past. i'm not gonna ponder and lament about the past. like i said, what's past is past. da basi dah ( already expired)! it's much worthwhile to live for the present and the future. and to smile at each day. u never know when your life will be taken away. so just as well. live life to the fullest. i hope that's what i'm doing anyways. living the way i wanted to. even if it means drawing myself closer to hell. in this world you can choose both the real world and the eternal world. it's difficult to achieve peace and enjoyment in both worlds simultaneously. i've thought about it. i chose the real world. not the eternal or after-life world. i've made my decisions. i might regret. but i'll live with it. :) take care people. nights. ps. im sorry again. =)
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(no subject)	[Nov. 7th, 2007\|12:18 am]
one word to describe me now - aprosexic- another word to describe my mental state -fatigue- another word to describe my physical state - exhausted- exams are really near. and im feeling the shivers. thoughts of wanting to do really well for the exams keep seeping in my mind. i want to come back here again. i admit. i love it here. well, despite the un-delicious food, un-fashionable clothes and non-quality shoes. i have made a couple of good friends. but trust me.. not as perfect as the ones back homes. they are cray-zeeee i tell you. i miss them loads. :) hmm, i guess.. it's more of the freedom that i've experienced here. and hey! i can cook. for real. lol. not those instant satchets of curries to assist me in my cooking. real, pure cooking. and i experimented with some of the food. haha. see, i'm being more independent now. i could be myself. i don't have to care shit about what others feel and think. yet, i'm selfless. the paradox of being me. sleep time. nights. :))
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(no subject)	[Oct. 28th, 2007\|12:47 am]
hey, it's been awhile since i last blog. blame it on my busy schedule. just because my exams are like really near. in like 3 weeks time i'll be sitting for my final exams and in 6 weeks time i'll be flying back home. if you ask me if i'm excited about going back home, i'll honestly say that its a 50-50 kinda situation. though i miss my grandma and families and the yummy foods, i'm dreading home. mainly because of the weather and the fact that there's nothing much to look forward to back home. i guess. okay, except for the fact that maybe my sister is getting engaged soon. or hearsay that is. life has been really complicating and complex. a relationship that i thought could turn out to be just a friendship with the juicy side-bits is turning all wrong. i swear after i broke up with my ex, i promised myself that i don't want to get emotionally attached with anyone. not at the moment anyways. i just want to enjoy life as it is. getting emotionally involved just seems to mean that you are putting yourself in front of those big bulldozer. i've had enough of relationships. the squabbles, the quarrels, the pain, the tears. to me relationship is nothing more but getting urself physically and emotionally abused. been there, experience that. sure there are the quirks out of it ya know. like those momentary happiness and feelings that you are actually being loved by someone. but those feelings won't last. it'll end up being just a momentary sensation that just bloody fade. so why am i drawn to this fucking guy so bad? fuck me drunk. the more i'm trying to withdraw myself away from him emotionally the more entangled i got in this web. and i just bloody realise this seconds ago. i don't need any bloody more problems than i already had. haiz~ life is full of complications isn't it. he's not like super perfect. he has in fact, many flaws to him. yet, there's this ... haiz~ fuck it. i'm not even going to think about it. what i do know that i'll just have to work harder to feel emotionally detached towards him. whatever. i've just got to vent out my frustrations somewhere. and i don't care if there's too many vulgars here. haiz. anyways, enough of ranting. here are a few pictures. me eating all those plates. no wonder i'm getting fat. wakaka the malaysian gal. who makes me eat sushi. for the bloody first time dont ask me whats with the face. haha. the face of a stressor. haiz.. too many probs. :( with this i'm signing off... take care people.
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